In this episode, Roane and Ben sit down for an honest update on Ben’s recent health challenges. Ben shares the journey from his 1997 cancer diagnosis to the long-term effects he’s facing today, including the discovery that most of his pancreas has shut down and the upcoming surgery to address it. They discuss how faith, community, and emotional awareness are shaping the way he navigates this season, and why honesty in the midst of hardship matters. It’s a candid conversation about fear, trust, control, and living with purpose when the future is uncertain.
Ben Derrick (00:00.876)
It's amazing after this long of a break that we come back and podcasting is still a thing.
Roane Hunter (00:06.448)
Yeah, it hasn't died out. It seems to still be going out there, but we haven't been. So here we are. We're back.
Ben Derrick (00:16.046)
That's right. That's right. And the part of the reason we're back when we are is because we're catching so much grief because people are catching up to our episodes and people start talking to me about spiritual bypass and then they're like, you started bypassing podcasting. What's going on?
Roane Hunter (00:31.952)
We kind of did. think it's part of it is because we're both busy. The curse is just finding time to even sit down together, even to have lunch is hard, much less setting aside time to do podcasting. But we both love it and we're going to keep doing it as long as we can and as long as you can.
Ben Derrick (00:52.984)
That's it.
Roane Hunter (01:01.24)
I guess that's kind of a segue into our episode today. We debated on the title of this episode. You suggested, amazingly it wasn't me that suggested this, but you suggested we call this the Poor Ben episode. And we're probably not going to put that out there, but I'm going to just share that with our listeners. Yep, because.
Ben Derrick (01:21.282)
That's right, yeah.
Ben Derrick (01:27.938)
Mm.
Roane Hunter (01:30.116)
This episode, we're gonna kinda update what is actually happening with my host, my partner, my dear friend, what he is actually experiencing and going through right now. is, in some ways it's encouraging how you are walking through this, and in other ways it's terrifying what you are dealing with.
Ben Derrick (01:56.558)
Mm.
Roane Hunter (01:59.478)
And so, and I have just some of the people that I work with on a coaching basis in other parts of the country and Samson guys, I've shared what's happening. And man, I get so many guys asking, man, how's Ben? How's Ben? And you did put the kind of a video out there on Facebook to just let people know what's happening. So with all that, dude.
bring our podcast listeners up to speed with what's going on in your life right now.
Ben Derrick (02:37.549)
This could be a seven part episode right? How do we how do you do this succinctly? I Know I know well, I think to catch everybody up to speed because we we dive into topics that are relevant for the day Mostly on this podcast. I am a cancer survivor from 1997 so I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma Which is kind of in the leukemia family. It was a very serious illness when I was 17
Roane Hunter (02:40.436)
dude, seriously.
Ben Derrick (03:07.085)
And this actually set a lot of stuff in stone for my emotional palette, my response to the world. As an Enneagram 6, that worst case scenario thinking was dramatically confirmed at 17. And I went through some pretty difficult treatment over the course of a couple of months. Back then, medical technology had advanced, but not enough in the radiation field.
Roane Hunter (03:13.808)
You
Ben Derrick (03:33.034)
And as a result, they radiated me from just below my chin all the way down to just below my belly button. So I took 44 radiation treatments because the doctors were concerned that cancer was hiding somewhere in my abdomen that they could not locate. And they actually halfway through treatment turned it up, which was as terrifying as that sounds. Imagine being in a microwave and then they put it on high, right? Yeah.
Roane Hunter (03:58.352)
dude.
Ben Derrick (04:01.609)
So, you know, every day I would go in for...
Roane Hunter (04:02.928)
You know, it is interesting. You know, they don't do that anymore. That's changed a little bit. I mean, 44 rounds of radiation, you it's like if the cancer doesn't kill you, the treatment certainly will, no doubt. Yeah.
Ben Derrick (04:10.369)
Yeah.
Ben Derrick (04:17.149)
Exactly. Yeah. So if you were to get in the chat GPT and look up standard treatments, it's usually somewhere around 20 doses, a little bit north of 20 doses. So they were very concerned that I was actually going to die and they just treated the hell out of me. I'm glad they did. That was 28 years ago. They were doing everything they knew to do at the time to save my life. Long story short, as a result, they melted my insides. So
All of my major organs took if not direct indirect radiation and as a result there's this new disorder called the long-term survivor disorder from those of us that went through this kind of treatment in the late 90s and between 15 and 30 years after treatment your organs start to just shut down many of them
And it's not a given, but the second I laid down on that table and took my first treatment, my chances of pancreatic cancer went up 46 % from the general population. This stuff I didn't know at the time, but we definitely know now. So I've been having some physical problems that are kind of too disgusting to go into for about a year and a half. And I've been trying to
Roane Hunter (05:34.704)
Well, everybody knows about your mental problems, not everybody knows about your physical.
Ben Derrick (05:39.35)
That's right. Yeah, yeah, Exactly. Exactly. So, you know, in our beloved weekends at deer camp, we would get to the end of the day and I was smoked, man. I mean, by 9 15, I'm looking for a place to go to bed. So uniquely, and I think I want to celebrate the community here just very quickly. I was sitting down at a table for a man named Steven Sollars birthday, and he's been a dear friend for well over a decade.
and we were having dinner for his birthday and everybody got a big steak and I got a wedge salad and some sides and the man at the table in our in our community just started giving me grief over that. Well, I was having like these repeated battles with gout and which was pretty odd. I've never had that before and a fellow friend, another friend, Trey Pittman looks at me and says you need to be tested for diabetes.
which for a man that struggles with anxiety was a pretty rude thing to say at a birthday dinner. So everybody started giving him grief, but it turns out he was right. Trey was right. So went in to get some blood tests. They confirmed diabetes and went to a endocrinologist and they saw my history of radiation and then things started to get very serious. So they sent me in for a CT scan.
I was expecting everything to come back clean, just kind of guarding, think, emotionally against what may be coming. And even shared a text with my friends that morning like, hey, I've never laid down in a CT scan more confident than I am today. So I love you guys and thank you for giving me this far in this journey. And came home and my chart popped about 30 minutes later and there were lots of concerning cancer words all over that CT scan.
which was extremely sobering. The language was reading as if I had pancreatic cancer and my grandfather died of pancreatic cancer is a key detail here. So I'm instantly thinking, man, I worked out this morning, had a CT scan and this afternoon I think I've got 14 months to live. And the more we started pursuing doctors and information from doctors, that's what the CT scan was ultimately concerned about. So fast forward catching up to today.
Ben Derrick (08:01.517)
I've had an MRI that was a little bit more clear than a CT scan and the doctors are debating What we do know is that three-fourths of my pancreas has checked out it clocked out finished his job early and That is a hundred percent as a result of my radiation therapy That I experienced in 97. It just cooked my pancreas and it's not working at all. There's concern that there's cancer buried in that
Roane Hunter (08:14.593)
You
Ben Derrick (08:31.137)
Basically necrotic tissue, but they can't know that for sure unless they cut it out So what I'm facing now is about a three plus hour surgery Where they cut out three-fourths of my pancreas leaving one-fourth? to do its job in the digestive system and That will ensure that I'm diabetic the rest of my life and then I'm on pancreatic enzymes the rest of my life
But hopefully we'll ensure that I do have a lengthy life post this surgery. And I am hopeful about that, but you you and I sat at a dinner a couple of weeks ago where we, didn't know that was going to be the case. That was a beautiful night. I would love to describe that for the people listening. But the surgery is probably going to be complex. It'll be over by the time probably most people are listening to this. But my due to scar tissue being all throughout my abdomen, my pancreas is stuck to three things.
Roane Hunter (09:05.808)
Hmm.
Roane Hunter (09:14.33)
Mm-hmm.
Ben Derrick (09:28.019)
inside of my abdominal cavity. So it's just gonna, it's gonna be a pretty dicey surgery, but I think we've got a great team on it. Shout out to Jeremy Otts, who is helping us secure a second opinion over at UAB. He's been a good friend as well. Man, without the community, this would be a dramatically different experience.
Roane Hunter (09:49.756)
yeah, man, it's just been so awesome to kind of see the love, the care, the support, just in this whole process. And that's one reason we believe in community, so that when certainly facing something like this, you're not going to make it on your own. certainly, it has been demonstrated in
Ben Derrick (10:09.613)
Mm-hmm.
Roane Hunter (10:18.607)
I mean, it's just the beauty of what we have here and what we experience. Life together, nothing like it, even though it's still scary as hell.
Ben Derrick (10:27.17)
Yeah.
Ben Derrick (10:31.373)
That's right. Yeah, I don't mind admitting fear or worry or any of those things. That's certainly part of a process. And I think, you know, inside of Christian communities especially, people feel like they have to steal the resolve and not admit those kinds of things. And I mean, that's silly. It's great for therapists in whatever town they live in because that's coming out later at some point. That's right. Yeah, but I mean, very interesting. We did an episode on spiritual bypass and then...
Roane Hunter (10:51.663)
It pays well. It pays really well.
Ben Derrick (11:01.357)
You know, I'm sent into something that calls back one of the largest traumas of my childhood. It takes me right back to it. I mean, it's been pretty unbelievable. So certainly, I mean, this feeling of, don't think I'm done yet. I really don't want to die. I'm not necessarily afraid of death, but I don't want to go now. All these thoughts are very, very common.
Roane Hunter (11:26.028)
Yes
Ben Derrick (11:29.665)
And I think admitting them and talking to them about the... talking about them with my community has been so vital. I do want to announce though, as clearly as I possibly can, that without my faith, undergirding everything in my life, my relationship with my wife, with my children, with my community, with my own emotions, with the cognitive side of who I am, my faith has been a...
bedrock to be able to push off from to navigate this circumstance and it has caused me to have such an extreme amount of compassion for people who either have a faith that has been damaged by the Christian community or a faith that never was present because it just hasn't been a part of their generational line. Without that, man, I would be completely sunk. And it wasn't a choice. People have tried to give me, to this point, they've tried to give me credit.
for being disciplined enough or being faithful enough for a long period of time. And to be honest with you, that's just absolute garbage. That's not how that works. God has moved in supernaturally in ways that I couldn't orchestrate and I certainly haven't earned. He's just moved in supernaturally to allow me to... The best way to say it is release control. Release control. When will I die?
Roane Hunter (12:35.663)
Yeah.
Roane Hunter (12:52.077)
Mmm. Ugh.
Ben Derrick (12:56.277)
I don't know. it be on 19 August 25 because something happens on the table? Perhaps. Will it be six years later when my liver becomes cancerous? Or, you know, will I preach your funeral? And I'd probably refuse that, but... That's right. Yeah.
Roane Hunter (12:56.803)
Ha! Yep.
Roane Hunter (13:14.569)
That may not be how my old dude, yeah. Yeah, it's kind of offensive that you would say that, yeah.
Ben Derrick (13:23.255)
But, you know, these sorts of situations are extremely exposing, so I don't want to over talk, but I just want to make sure that I'm presenting on our podcast, on our medium, what the absolute truth is, and the absolute truth is I'm existing right now the way that I am because of the supernatural emotional provision of God.
Roane Hunter (13:45.237)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, because you know no matter the chaos that comes in our lives It certainly we're deviating a little bit off of our normal topics But we believe this is very important and certainly I think it's relevant because no matter how the chaos enters our lives Man, God is in the chaos right and you you've lived that out. You've seen that
Ben Derrick (13:57.933)
Mm-hmm.
Ben Derrick (14:09.878)
Mm-hmm.
Roane Hunter (14:13.156)
you've experienced it and I've had the privilege of watching you go through this experience. And it would be real easy to just go victim, right? And I mean, that's what trauma, in whatever form it comes, it's like, know, tragedy's gonna happen in all of our lives. That's just part of life. And we've got...
Ben Derrick (14:27.488)
right.
Roane Hunter (14:39.692)
you know, that's where we have the choice. We can either become victims or we can become victors. And certainly not like some just, you know, super Christian ease talk, but a victor in the sense that like, dude, you are trusting God in truly the valley of the shadow of death in a very real way.
Ben Derrick (15:04.909)
Yeah, the image I have in my mind, and I think what I would want to encourage myself publicly here, but also our listeners, is that to me the Christian life, the life of a disciple, what we would also overlay is the life of a healthy person, is submission by degree.
Roane Hunter (15:23.088)
Hmm.
Ben Derrick (15:27.405)
I have not submitted a hundred percent since that CT scan came back. Like I decided, now I'm going to submit. It's been submission by degree. It's like when you, when you see the horse trainer, get the horse to lay down, there there's a process there. And that's exactly what I submitted to, you know, back before you met, but it, but it escalated in a lot of ways in 2017 sitting at deer camp. I just started learning how to submit to God instead of
controlling out of my sense of false self, and that has been an advantage here in that I already know what it means to lay down and reduce and abdicate my power in my relationship with God to say, wherever you're taking me, I'm going to believe that it's the best thing not only for me but also for the hearts of my sons.
Roane Hunter (16:24.085)
Mm-hmm. Yep.
Ben Derrick (16:29.537)
Man, I shared with Cammie the other day, we were sitting there having coffee, and I said, you know, there's a possibility that my death would be essential for the development of the hearts of my sons. I don't want that, but if that's in God's plan and it means they're going to turn into the derricks that impact the kingdom at 50 times the scale that I could, then
Roane Hunter (16:30.64)
Mmm.
Roane Hunter (16:46.96)
Mm-hmm.
Ben Derrick (16:57.969)
show me where to go, right? I will have a life that ends at 46 years old, if that's what that means. you know, people get really weirded out by conversations at this level. But as men, we should probably start having them more like the sense of purpose and the desire for control. They're in a constant battle. right now, just because of my hypervigilance over my health, man, I feel like I'm winning that
Roane Hunter (17:00.196)
Ha ha ha!
Roane Hunter (17:12.268)
yeah.
Roane Hunter (17:22.163)
yeah.
Ben Derrick (17:27.823)
battle.
Roane Hunter (17:29.044)
Mm-hmm dude, I would certainly just observing I would say that you are there's no doubt and I think that's been affirmed by many And you know, I will ask you Pretty pretty constantly, you know, how's your headspace? Where are you and knowing, you know, just your your recovering your recovering codependent You know, I would describe that is like
Ben Derrick (17:47.478)
Mm-hmm.
Ben Derrick (17:54.765)
you
Roane Hunter (17:58.309)
Yeah, you could set yourself on fire to keep everybody else warm, right? Yeah. That's a good pastor, a good minister, right? And self-care and all that stuff is a wish, not even a thought. But I've just seen you really kind of like...
Ben Derrick (18:04.311)
That's right, yeah.
Ben Derrick (18:10.381)
Yeah, yeah.
Ben Derrick (18:16.904)
Mm-hmm.
Roane Hunter (18:24.272)
being very aware of your headspace and where you are and sharing that and talking about that. And then certainly I think that that is playing out with Cami and your boys as well. And what you just said, you know, at deer camp, we call it the imagination question, you know, what if, and boy, that's a dangerous question, right? What if, you know, I have to die?
Ben Derrick (18:49.675)
Yes.
Roane Hunter (18:53.36)
in order for my sons to become the men that God created them to be. Now that sucks, you know. However, because of your faith in where you are in your walk with God, like dude, you would be willing to do whatever it takes. That is faith.
Ben Derrick (19:02.294)
Mmm.
Ben Derrick (19:18.669)
Yeah, yeah, it really is and it takes you all the way back to to understand at least my theology would dictate and I know everybody doesn't share this view so I certainly wouldn't want to alienate someone listening but when they laid me down that table and used masking tape to hold my chin in place in August of 1997 God was extremely aware of today
I mean, he didn't wake up in July of 25 and go, oh my gosh, I forgot about Ben. Like, oh man, you know, that's not how that works. So, you know, that would imply to me or dictate to me that every day between August of 97 and August of 25 that God has been working to prepare. And I don't know what for, and that's what I'm saying today is I don't...
Roane Hunter (19:44.25)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Roane Hunter (19:51.92)
Yes.
Ben Derrick (20:13.035)
have to know what for anymore.
That is such a gift that the masculine community has given me as a man over time You know was a guy in my co-dependence that always wanted to have the answer not only for other people but predominantly for myself and man if you could see if our listeners could see the stack of journals that I had that I was so proud of and When I when I roll through those things during certain seasons of my life. I'm like man. This is a This is a guy that's just grappling for control. He thinks he's looking for
answers, but what he wants is control. And today I understand with a lot of clarity, man, you can lay that down and there's a lot of freedom in that, and you can be responsive to what's in front of you rather than trying to wargame what may be coming and to prepare for that in a way where you can be God in all future possible scenarios.
Roane Hunter (21:01.552)
Mm.
Roane Hunter (21:07.536)
Mmm.
Ben Derrick (21:07.657)
mean, man, what a drain. And let me say this too, I know we have to pay attention to time on this episode here, but let's talk about the gifts that this experience has given me. So sitting around a table one night, a steak dinner, which was very much against protocol, but we did it because my wife wasn't there. And to be able to trade stories of our history together as a group of people.
Roane Hunter (21:23.76)
Yeah
Roane Hunter (21:35.536)
Mm.
Ben Derrick (21:36.942)
and to be able to crack open the Bible and read Psalm 18 start to finish, and it's not short.
but to read it, starting to hear it just kind of echo in that suburban neighborhood and to bow our heads and pray together, not knowing what was coming next. I mean, that's a level of intimacy that I don't care how much work you've put in. If that happens in your life, it is a gift from God Almighty to be able to experience that. And not only that, but to be able to experience over the past month and change
Roane Hunter (22:04.09)
Mmm.
Ben Derrick (22:12.947)
I know exactly how people feel about me. I know exactly how they feel about me. look, if you want medicine, you want chemotherapy for codependency, then you will open yourself up to the reality of how people experience you. And I think, you know, for chameleons, as we talk about a lot, because I am one, for chameleons to hear
Roane Hunter (22:27.792)
You
Ben Derrick (22:41.397)
because time may be short, the absolute unmitigated take on how people feel about you has just been amazing and humbling. these people, you don't even realize we're paying attention. We're paying attention. And it's just further evidence of what God can do through a life once you get out of your own way.
Roane Hunter (23:08.56)
Amen. Well, you know, just talking about codependency, because I think we are all that to some degree. And, you know, it has been described as a compulsion to control whatever we're controlling, whether it's, you know, our wives' emotions, controlling work, controlling kids, and just that man that...
Ben Derrick (23:23.117)
Mm.
Roane Hunter (23:36.493)
I would just call it surrendering that. And it's not a one-time deal, right? But it is just a long obedience in the same direction, but certainly being aware of the tendencies. And just, you know, the uncertainty. Because I think that's one of the things that drives our anxiety. And that's why so many people, you know, we want the magic Jesus rabbit's foot.
Ben Derrick (23:42.87)
Right.
Ben Derrick (23:48.813)
Mm-hmm.
Roane Hunter (24:05.936)
And we want we want to kind of get all the answers of like tomorrow or the new job or the new endeavor or the new relationship and you know man life is just uncertain and You know part of our growth is being able to deal with that ambiguity of like man. We we don't know and Again, it just comes back to the good old man. It is truly only one day at a time
and you see it in the Old Testament, you know, they're asking God to give them all the, give them the plan and how it's gonna play out and step by step and God just says, he says, just go and I'll be with you. And I think that just applies in probably every aspect of our life. Certainly we've gotta do our part, but man, we don't know what the future holds, but we do know who holds the future.
Ben Derrick (24:34.189)
Mm.
Ben Derrick (24:49.249)
Right.
Ben Derrick (25:02.861)
No doubt about it.
Roane Hunter (25:03.856)
That's like a Christian Facebook post. very profound. It was, I love it. Yeah.
Ben Derrick (25:08.205)
Yeah, that was the most K-Love thing I've ever heard you say.
Well another aspect I'd really like to just make sure that we capture here on tape I guess as we would say is Chaotic situations like this and and look affairs fall under this category Difficulty in your child's life falls into this category a loss of job anything that is jarring to the normal rhythm We we term chaos right? That's that's a part of reason for this podcast
Roane Hunter (25:43.376)
You
Ben Derrick (25:43.948)
But those things, as much as they are obstacles, do represent an opportunity to do that thing that we're always challenging people to do, and that's turn around and look backwards. see what happened from the start of the movie, not just when you walked in at an hour and five minutes. Look back and say,
Roane Hunter (26:01.998)
Mm-hmm.
Ben Derrick (26:03.603)
Okay, wait a minute. I've been consumed and let's talk to the anxious people because I am one and I've admitted that five times here in this podcast. If I'm consumed in the present of trying to get out ahead of all potential negative futures, then what I'm not doing is ever looking backwards to remember.
Roane Hunter (26:11.408)
You
Ben Derrick (26:22.865)
That's what God calls us to do, be the remembering ones and looking backwards to investigate how has God been active in my life in ways that I was unaware all of this time. And you will certainly see the movement of God in your life if you ever stop and turn around and look backwards. look, I'm not very good at doing this because I want to get out there and be Ben Derrick for somebody. know, who's going to come into my world today? I can be Ben Derrick.
Roane Hunter (26:44.336)
Mm.
Ben Derrick (26:52.719)
for, you know? But when you start looking back, this is just a brief example, but in all those years that I worked inside of the church here in the Deep South, I was given a health insurance stipend that came nowhere close to covering my health insurance, and if I did buy health insurance, I would not have been able to pay my bills. So that's just the truth about where I was working.
Roane Hunter (27:14.81)
Well, dude, if you really love Jesus, you wouldn't worry about that. obviously, yeah.
Ben Derrick (27:19.851)
That's right, yeah. So my solution to that was to be involved with the health chair as a cancer survivor. Like, let's talk about the idiocy of that decision. But I stepped out of working in a church, and honestly in a lot of confusion, and a little bit of pain, and some hurt. You you can talk about going victim. Man, pastors can do that quick if their church members say something to hurt their feelings. so...
Roane Hunter (27:30.746)
Ha ha.
Ben Derrick (27:47.124)
As a result, get out there and I get a job, thanks to God's provision, a part-time, side hustle job where I have insurance. And I'm having to work for that insurance. It's not like it's provided for me, but that one decision has kept my family literally from going bankrupt this year. And had I been stubborn and stayed in that...
Roane Hunter (27:57.412)
Ahem.
Roane Hunter (28:07.397)
Mmm.
Ben Derrick (28:11.861)
kind of addictive position of a pastor, a guy whose world is very small in this little community thinking about just very few things.
had I neglected obeying what God was asking me to do, then my life would be in a very different shape than it is today. I would not have access to the type of care that I have over my body, over my physical disease and illness. So that's just a brief example of looking back and saying, holy smokes.
Roane Hunter (28:31.376)
Mm.
Roane Hunter (28:44.048)
Yeah. Yeah.
Ben Derrick (28:44.597)
Look what God was doing four years ago to get me prepared for today, but I did have to sit down in His provision. I had to be obedient. This, think, is a big problem for us today, especially if we're putting it in context of control. Man, if somebody sits in your office this afternoon and you tell them, the way out of this is for you to be obedient, you'd probably never see them again.
Roane Hunter (29:08.88)
Yeah. Nope. I hope they would throw something at me before they left stormed out. Yeah. That's happened.
Ben Derrick (29:16.813)
But the truth is we yeah, yeah, I mean the truth is we do have to be we obedience is out of vogue these days but if if if God is who we say that he is and I believe that he is because we say who he is based on what's been revealed to us in Scripture, which is I think a big marker for our community our masking community plenty of people say plenty of things about God that aren't in the Bible
Roane Hunter (29:26.478)
Mm-hmm.
Ben Derrick (29:45.9)
We try to stick really close to the narrative. If he is who he says he is, then why would I not submit to his authority in my life because he can see much further over the horizon than we can.
Roane Hunter (29:45.9)
yeah.
Roane Hunter (30:00.402)
I just, you you brought it up and just, you know, kind of one of our fundamental teachings at deer camp, our men's coaching weekends, is this idea of the Hebrew, the descriptive word for man in the Genesis 2 passage, and that Hebrew word is zakar. And it literally, you it means the remembering one, and it's got the verb connotation of to act.
And it's like obviously we are to remember God and who He is and what He's done and we are to act on that. And you are acting on that in a very real and practical way by trusting Him in the uncertainty and just one foot in front of the other one day at a time. Because what else can you do, right?
Ben Derrick (30:44.045)
Hmm.
Ben Derrick (30:52.866)
Yeah.
That's right. Yeah. Well, we say this a lot, but guys are busy. Women are busy.
You offer them an intensive or you offer them a coaching weekend some time away to Process their life kind of categorize some things learn some new skills about how to engage with their own experience at an emotional level and they're like You know, I got season tickets and Ole Miss is at home this weekend Let me tell you when you are not gonna give one hot damn about those Nearly teenagers in a transfer portal playing a game when a doctor
Roane Hunter (31:19.953)
Yeah
gosh.
Roane Hunter (31:32.497)
Yes.
Ben Derrick (31:34.008)
tells you there's a solid chance that you're gonna get one more Christmas. You're not gonna give one shit about most of the stuff that you say matters in your life and I'm telling you that right now sitting in the middle of it having lost track of that myself there is probably nothing more important in your life I would say as the people that are listening directly to them there's nothing more important in your life than gaining emotional awareness.
Roane Hunter (31:38.501)
Yeah.
Roane Hunter (32:02.513)
Mmm, true.
Ben Derrick (32:02.645)
And if you're spending more money on your internet and your cell phone bill than you are learning your own story, then I really have nothing for you. You got to get out there and stop making excuses and stop spending all this money on poker night and bourbon and trips with the girls. If you're a female listening and you get into a therapist office and you start discovering who you are because I can guarantee you because of the brokenness of this world, you are going to need that information at some point in your story.
Roane Hunter (32:11.195)
Yeah.
Roane Hunter (32:19.025)
You
Roane Hunter (32:33.481)
boy, and it's just so many people wander around, just kind of stumble through life, never collecting those dots and connecting those dots and never even thinking about correcting those. But boy, do we see it, because when all hell breaks loose, they'll have a lot of regret. They start reflecting on their life and their life choices.
Ben Derrick (32:42.221)
Mm.
Ben Derrick (32:51.274)
Yep.
Roane Hunter (33:01.957)
Man, that's a painful thing to sit with somebody that's in that stage of crisis. Like, how in the hell did I get here? An unexamined life. And man, that's so many people out there. It's why I always say, man, thank God for my sexual addiction. Thank God that he intervened in my life at 28 years old.
Ben Derrick (33:12.461)
Mmm.
Ben Derrick (33:25.419)
Hmm.
Roane Hunter (33:29.393)
And I began the journey of recovery, and that's just simply recovering the life that He intended for us to live. That's what it boils down to. And certainly, you know, us talking about this today, man, this is the bone and marrow of life. This is the deep stuff. And man, that's what so many people are afraid to touch, they're afraid to look at, afraid to deal with.
Ben Derrick (33:30.122)
Amen.
Ben Derrick (33:37.621)
Mm-hmm.
Ben Derrick (33:48.151)
That's it. Yeah.
Roane Hunter (33:58.866)
You know, I'll joke with Ben. I texted him this morning and I said, hey dude, are you still alive? Are we still recording? And you know, because I know you and I know you're not gonna be offended by that. You're gonna send me some smart ass remark back as you did and it's beautiful, right?
Ben Derrick (34:11.437)
you
Ben Derrick (34:17.793)
Mm-hmm.
Ben Derrick (34:22.017)
That's right. First, I left you on read for about 35 minutes to make you wonder.
Roane Hunter (34:26.417)
Of course you did. Yeah, it's like, oh crap. I'm thinking, well, he died. Cancer got him. But it's so cool that just being able to kind of talk like this around a heavy, heavy topic is, man, I don't know. It's life-giving.
Ben Derrick (34:47.703)
Yeah.
Roane Hunter (34:55.025)
I just always say, we are so blessed. And that Hebrew word blessed, means add life to. It also has a connotation of like, you're lucky. There's a book by Skip Mowen called The Lucky Life, The Backwards Beatitudes. And he unpacks this idea of like,
Ben Derrick (35:00.429)
Wow.
Ben Derrick (35:11.969)
Mmm.
Roane Hunter (35:23.717)
When Jesus talks about blessed or the whatever, it's like, man, if you're experiencing this, you are lucky. And I love that because I can't go earn it. I can't make it happen. There is such a God piece in that. And man, I don't know. We are lucky that God has done what he's done in this community and in the...
Ben Derrick (35:34.039)
Yeah.
Roane Hunter (35:53.554)
all the men that we get to do life together with. Dude, we're lucky. Yep.
Ben Derrick (35:58.562)
Yeah, there's no doubt about it. mean, whenever death comes for me, I will die a rich man. There's no doubt about it. And I'll share this briefly. I know we're running short on time today, but years and years ago, I went to visit a man in the hospital dying. And that's one of the privileges of being a pastor, I guess. Actually, it is a privilege, but...
Roane Hunter (36:04.977)
Yeah.
Roane Hunter (36:22.694)
Yeah.
Ben Derrick (36:23.443)
I noticed that I was in his room for about an hour and he was asking a lot of the typical questions, you know, what do you think happens next? And do you think I've been a good enough man? And those sorts of things. Those are the kind of questions that happen in those rooms when the family walks out. But this man spent an hour grabbing the sheets that were over his, just under his chest. And he was fidgeting with the top of those sheets and
Roane Hunter (36:38.043)
Yeah.
Ben Derrick (36:50.445)
I felt God communicate to me at that time in my life. You don't want to be a man who's when he's dying, when he is dying is fidgeting with the sheets. That's not what you want. And I feel like that God has set it up that way in my life, just even carefully communicating that to me that day. Man, I don't want to die of fidgeting the sheets.
Roane Hunter (37:01.963)
amen.
Roane Hunter (37:15.857)
Hmm.
Ben Derrick (37:16.053)
in a hospital room, you know what I mean? I want to be able to die with men around me, family around me, and giving me a hard time the whole way out. I mean, that's really what I'm looking for, because I've been giving it myself. So I do think at least what hopefully we've been able to model today is when things take that dip into that serious
Roane Hunter (37:28.099)
You
Amen. Yes.
Ben Derrick (37:44.606)
level, the deep end as we call it, that it's possible to navigate that with a little bit of humor, kind of some cynicism, some reflection, and some celebration over the fact that no matter what happens in your life or in your story, you're never outside the reach or the care of God. Even if it's going terribly, and it will for a lot of us, even if it's going terribly, that doesn't mean that God is absent. He will be the fourth man. And I love
A man Dave Busby shared this with me. He's he's dead now He had cystic fibrosis, but he was preaching one night in 97 I was a teenager and got to hear him and he was talking about that story of Shadrach and Meshach and Abednego and that little line in the Bible Has been an anchor for me since that year that God is able he's he's actually willing and able to save us but if he doesn't
He's still God and that still rings true today. mean those guys said it that day in front of that king and it is still true today on this podcast something they couldn't have even predicted would be a thing.
Roane Hunter (38:46.317)
Amen.
Ben Derrick (38:55.785)
that you know if something goes awry and we're recording another episode where I'm like super skinny and dark circles under my eyes and it's actually the end then God will still be God man he'll still be God and there'll be men and women roaming this earth a long time after we're gone talking about what a good God he is
Roane Hunter (39:08.878)
Amen.
Roane Hunter (39:16.377)
Yes, absolutely. Even in the midst of hardship and trials and you know, he promised us, he did promise those to us. So we're just living out the promises. But I, dude, I think you came up with the title for this episode. We're going to call it Fidgeting with Sheets. There it is right there. Dude, that's a hook too. Yeah, the Sex, God and Chaos podcast, Fiddling with Sheets.
Ben Derrick (39:22.529)
Yeah.
Ben Derrick (39:26.443)
Mm-hmm.
Ben Derrick (39:39.693)
Boy, that ought to get some traction, yeah.
Ben Derrick (39:45.655)
Fizz-
Roane Hunter (39:46.246)
There it is. Beautiful. Yes, I love it. Well, dude, I just want to say, dude, thank you for doing this. just, your vulnerability, your honesty, your willingness to just live in and face reality with God is...
Ben Derrick (39:50.253)
Alright man, I'm sure people are tired of listening to my sob story. We're 40 minutes in here.
Roane Hunter (40:13.359)
Refreshing, is encouraging and I love you dearly and so glad that we do life together.
Ben Derrick (40:22.037)
Yeah, same. Love you, Batman. mean, most of that.
was Ford's sitting on that couch right behind you. those are some beautiful, beautiful times. So I do wanna address before we close the episode, so many people are asking, how can we help, man? What can we do? And I love that about the South, that people are trying to like re-roof my house and cut my yard and then it's, it bring me food. Yeah, it's great, a bunch of food I can't eat.
Roane Hunter (40:29.115)
Yeah, there it is.
Roane Hunter (40:40.481)
yes.
Roane Hunter (40:46.565)
Bring your food. They bring you a lot of food. lot of food. Dude, when you get overloaded with food, please call me because Eva makes me eat like healthy stuff. I need the good old Baptist food. Call me. yeah. It's all fried. Yeah. You can't eat it. That's great.
Ben Derrick (40:58.342)
Man, who are you talking to, man? Yeah, everything's got like cream of mushroom soup and topped with fried onions. So none of that stuff I can eat. you know, yeah, can't eat it. It smells great, but I can't eat it. So I've just been offering this to people. And look, I do want to announce here today that the generosity of the community has leveled me. I just, have no way to express.
Roane Hunter (41:16.025)
Yeah.
Roane Hunter (41:27.111)
Mmm. Yep.
Ben Derrick (41:30.56)
the amount of generosity that has happened over our family in the past month, it's astonishing.
Roane Hunter (41:36.216)
yeah, dude. It's always, it's so humbling, no doubt. Yeah.
Ben Derrick (41:39.146)
Yeah, it really is. So we're directing people. There's came my wife and I, we recorded a video and we dropped it on my Facebook. My Facebook is actually Benjamin Derrick, which is so funny. I only got called that when I was in trouble as a kid, but or you could go to Instagram, the Ben Derrick because there's multiple the Ben Derrick. That's me. And you can get like a, I don't know, it's probably like a 12 or 10 minute video or something.
Roane Hunter (41:51.279)
Yeah, it's very formal.
Ben Derrick (42:08.947)
Explaining a lot of this and how people can actually help we're just direct directing help towards our medical expenses and then Honestly convenience items for when I'm laid out this surgery is going to take me out For about a month, but probably bed rest for about a month
So there's just a lot of stuff man that can creep up on you inside of a month. anyway, I certainly don't want people to feel obligated to help because so many have already helped. But if people do feel compelled to do something like, please don't bring food to my house. Please don't, please don't. That's right. Bring it to Ron's house, but you can hop on my Facebook and there's a video there at the top of my feed and there's a link there that makes it very easy to, should you feel compelled to help my family out.
Roane Hunter (42:42.512)
Bring it
Roane Hunter (42:56.304)
Mm-hmm. Yes, and I will kind of push a little bit, and I hope you do feel obligated to help and that you do give. It's kind of like, well, it's kind of like a deer camp. know, Phil always talks about, he's always afraid to talk about, you know, giving to our ministry, and he'll like, you know, don't take away from giving to the church. And I just always raise my hand and go, no.
Ben Derrick (43:06.807)
You're such a bull.
Roane Hunter (43:24.336)
Give where you see God moving. We see God moving in the hearts of men, so man, give there. And certainly Ben's impact in men's lives here and even all across the country with the work that he's been doing, especially with the Special Forces guys, part of the National Guard, man, he is advancing the kingdom of God.
Ben Derrick (43:27.405)
Mmm.
Ben Derrick (43:33.975)
Yeah.
Roane Hunter (43:53.378)
and has had a tremendous impact and will continue to do so. So yes, you hopefully you do feel obligated to support Ben. So yeah, do that. Absolutely.
Ben Derrick (44:03.489)
Mm.
Ben Derrick (44:07.885)
Alright, we gotta end this thing.
Roane Hunter (44:09.602)
We do, I would just say, dude, kind of touched on it before, but, you know, dude, we are lucky, lucky, very blessed, and lucky men. So thank you, bro. Love you, dude.
Ben Derrick (44:27.348)
Amen, love you too.