Sex, God, & Chaos

044 Healing is a process.

Episode Summary

In this episode Roane, Eva, and Ben the importance of awareness and change in overcoming relationship challenges, emphasizing the need for both individuals in the couple to engage in their own healing work. They highlight the complexities of trauma and betrayal, and the importance of vulnerability, reassurance, and authentic communication in building and maintaining intimacy. They also emphasize the role of trust in relationships and the need for a surgical, effective solution to address immediate feelings of guilt and shame. By sharing their experiences, they emphasize the importance of regulating emotions and healing the brain to overcome the challenges of what they call "intimacy disorder".

Episode Notes

Action Items

• Consider individual and couple's work to address family of origin issues.
• Move towards acceptance of what has happened and build an intimate relationship based on full knowledge of one another.
• Continue having real, authentic conversations about ongoing struggles and needs for reassurance.

Outline

Addiction, change, and relationships.

• Ben Derrick and Ron Hunter discuss the complexity of change in relationships, particularly in the context of addiction.
• Couples in crisis can thrive if they engage in their process and gain self-awareness.
• Avoidance is a common dynamic in couple dynamics, but awareness can lead to a new foundation for the relationship.

Recovery process in marriage with a focus on communication and healing.

• Eva and Roane Hunter recognize how their upbringing and dynamics in their own family of origin contributed to their harmful patterns in their relationship.
• Eva and Roane Hunter discuss their experience as marriage counselors, highlighting the importance of communication and empathy in the healing process.
• The couple shares their personal story of navigating infidelity and rebuilding their relationship through their work as marriage counselors.

How childhood experiences shape adult relationships and emotional responses.

• Roane and Eva share their personal stories of growing up with dysfunctional families and how it impacted their relationships.
• They discuss how their childhood experiences shaped their emotional responses and coping mechanisms in marriage.
• Eva and Roane discuss how anxiety is passed down through generations.
• Eva Hunter identifies and uncovers false belief system rooted in toxic shame.
• Eva and Roane discuss how individuals bring their own unresolved issues into a relationship, which can amplify conflicts and make healing more challenging.
• Ben clarifies that the therapists are not blaming the individual for their partner's betrayal, but rather helping them understand their own role in the dynamics of the relationship.

How couples experience time differently during therapy sessions.

• Ben and Roane discuss the harmful nature of forgiveness sheets in therapy sessions.
• Ben Derrick explains that time is experienced differently by each partner in a relationship, with the husband feeling like time is moving quickly while the wife is unaware of new information and secrets.
• Roane Hunter shares that he had been dealing with similar issues on his own before the revelations were shared, and now feels a mix of relief and responsibility to support his partner.

The impact of pornography on marriages, including feelings of guilt, shame, and resentment.

• Eva and Roane discuss their lack of knowledge about each other's sexual history before marriage.
• Eva and Ben discuss the impact of pornography on individuals and society.
• Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss the challenges of helping couples navigate bitterness and resentment in their relationships.
• They emphasize the importance of understanding the unique dynamics of each couple and tailoring their approach accordingly.

Intimacy, vulnerability, and reassurance in long-term recovery.

• Eva Hunter discusses partner acceptance in addiction recovery.
• Intimacy in long-term recovery: vulnerability and authenticity.

Trust, vulnerability, and communication in relationships.

• Partners must lower questions and increase sharing to build intimacy.
• Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss trust and fear in relationships, with a focus on vulnerability and connection.
• They explore how fear can lead to dysfunctional relationships and the importance of trust in building healthy connections.