Sex, God, & Chaos

043 Why it's hard to change.

Episode Summary

Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss the challenges of making lasting changes in our lives, including deeply ingrained behaviors and thought patterns. They explore the role of generational and conditioned patterns, the brain's limbic system, and developmental stages in avoidance behavior. They also discuss the importance of recognizing and overcoming shame and false beliefs in personal transformation, highlighting the difficulty of this process due to the unconscious nature of these beliefs. Both emphasize the importance of authentic community and personal disclosure in counseling, as well as the need to defrost the hippocampus to process and heal from trauma.

Episode Notes

Action Items

• Uncover the false beliefs formed early in life through experiences and modeling.
• Replace the false beliefs with truth by sharing personal stories of struggle and overcoming.
• Seek out authentic community where you can be vulnerable and feel truly cared for to start changing at a deeper level.

Outline

Why changing habits is difficult, with emphasis on unlearning old beliefs and behaviors.

• Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss why people find it difficult to change their behavior, citing New Year's resolutions as an example.
• They explore the reasons behind this difficulty, including the human tendency to revert to old behaviors despite good intentions.
• Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss why change is difficult, citing ingrained behaviors and generational patterns.
• They challenge common reasons for failure, such as lack of discipline or church attendance, and offer a different interpretation of change's difficulty.
• Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the importance of unlearning false beliefs and being born again to experience true change.
• Jesus' message to Nicodemus highlights the need to unlearn what we know and start over with a childlike faith.

The brain's role in avoidance and shame.

• Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the importance of identifying and challenging false beliefs and shame-based worldview.
• They suggest solutions such as counseling intervention, unlearning, and reframing beliefs to overcome shame and live a more authentic life.
• Ben and Roane discuss the cultural obsession with avoidance and the impact it has on individuals.
• Roane Hunter explains the brain's limbic system, including the hippocampus and amygdala, which are responsible for memory and emotion.
• The amygdala is fully developed in infants, with a larger size in men compared to women, and it goes offline during orgasm.

Childhood trauma and its impact on beliefs and behaviors.

• Roane Hunter describes the impact of trauma on brain development, including the formation of belief systems and the lasting effects of early experiences.
• Traumatic experiences can reinforce existing belief systems, leading to a distorted sense of self and difficulty with moral reasoning.
• Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss how childhood experiences shape beliefs and behaviors, with false beliefs stemming from disconnection and a need for approval.
• They explain how these beliefs are stored in the brain and difficult to change, even with higher thinking and reasoning.

How to change through authentic community and honest feedback.

• Roane Hunter explains that the prefrontal cortex, the last part of the brain to develop, affects how we think and behave.
• Information alone is not enough to change our thinking and behavior, as it requires a shift in the way we view ourselves and the world around us.
• Roane Hunter emphasizes the importance of authentic community in personal growth, citing Jesus' physical presence as an example of effective feedback.
• Hunter believes that uncovering false belief systems in the hippocampus is crucial for change, and requires honest feedback from trusted individuals in an experiential environment.

The importance of human connection in healing trauma and overcoming shame.

• Ben Derrick shares personal story of overcoming trauma through therapy, encouraging clients to do the same.
• Roane Hunter agrees, emphasizing importance of personal disclosure in counseling, while maintaining appropriate boundaries.
• Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the importance of human connection in recovery, emphasizing that it's not about "rocket surgery" or "prefrontal cortex" but rather about building meaningful relationships.
• Brene Brown's research on vulnerability highlights the difference between wholehearted people and those struggling with shame and fear, with the former possessing a strong sense of worthiness.
• Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss the importance of sharing stories and expressing emotions in healing from trauma and addiction.
• They also explore the challenges of dealing with shame and betrayal in these situations, including the potential for anger and emotional crisis.